Get off my cloud

So I met up with the lesbian today, and it wasn't even my idea! She called me up and wanted to hook up and I was pleasantly surprised by how normal and not awkward it was. All week I've been stewing that things will never be the same again and yet the one person I have been most worried about ruining things with seems to be almost fine with me again.

It was nice anyway.

But the real weird part is her suggestion that we move in together!!! Not as man and lesbian wife obviously, but I mentioned how it looked unlikely that my current flatmate would want to renew our tenancy in the current flat, and I wouldn't blame him either to be honest, and she said that if I am seriously going to be looking for somewhere new in a few months then she'd like to share with me as she's only in somewhere temporary at the moment.

Now obviously I'm DELIGHTED at this suggestion. Not least because it puts to bed all my fears that I'd lost my relationship with this girl, and it also gives me hope that good friendships can be repaired. And as I type I've just got a call from another mate which is nice as I've been almost entirely incommunicado for the past week. So fingers crossed it's not all totally shit.

But anyway, the lesbian as a housemate... Could I do this? Of course most of me thinks yes yes yes I'd love it, we get on well, she's really cool, fun, smart, funny, we're into similar things, she's a lovely person - what more could I want? BUT the part of me that's entirely in love with her (and it's a pretty fucking MASSIVE part of me) has smashed the glass to sound the alarm. Would it ACTUALLY be wise to share with someone you're THAT keen on who will inevitably bring other people back to the house? Now where women are concerned I don't seem to have a problem with this, in some typically macho "girl on girl is fine by me" way and I had no issue with her girlfriend when they were dating or any of her girl ex's that I've met or heard about. HOWEVER, since splitting with her ex she's been a bit lost and did end up getting off with a guy at our end of college party. Now that really hurt. Furthermore she often talks about other guys she's slept with in the past and I feel myself bubbling up with pathetic jealous rage. I guess these incidents with men would suggest she's not entirely lesbian, and I know obviously that's the case but she still refers to herself as a lesbian and therefore so do I.

So I am left wondering would it really be a good idea in my fragile state of mind to leave myself open to the possibility of being entirely heartbroken by this girl? I've never shared a home with someone I really REALLY liked before so it's difficult to judge whether the good times outweigh the possible pain.

I will mull it over at length but given I've had no other offers and cannot stand the thought of having to hook up with randoms for a houseshare again it's mighty tempting right now.