Get off my cloud

I think my eyelashes are longer than they should be.

I know for girls long eyelashes is meant to be good or something, but I am not a girl and I don't want long eyelashes. What the fuck do I do? Can I ask the barber to snort them out? I FUCKING DOUBT IT.

GREAT, so that's ANOTHER thing to be paranoid about. I will add it to my list of inadequecies, or perhaps it is an overadequacy, despite that not being a word.

'Sake 

Much as I dislike the Americanised Ass over our quintessentially British Arse I feel the above statement doesn't work as well if I make the substitution and leaves it essentially lost in translation, so I have written Mule instead of ass or arse. Deal with it.

And so to my Sunday evening where I indulged in a little competitive pub Jenga, a truly genius game that you can't help but get involved in. There are hundreds of card games I am no good at, many of which other people seem genuinely shocked to hear that I don't enjoy on a regular basis but ultimately I just don't think to play them unless somebody else suggests it in which case I'll join in and most likely lose, horribly. The point is that Jenga is a game that ANYONE can always enjoy, at any time, unless you're on a rowing boat in a storm or something, then it would be rubbish and besides you'd be better off working out how you intend to flee the aforementioned storm I would have thought, unless Jenga was the only way to block out the thoughts of your impending death at sea but I find that hard to believe being as the very nature of the game means you'd be constantly reminded of your predicament. Don't play Jenga at sea in a storm kids.

But I digress, my post title is in reference to my FOOLISH suggestion that 3 losses should mean the player in question gets a round in, despite the fact I knew FULL WELL that were I to suffer such a defeat I'd not be able to buy a round as I am completely barassic. I guess I was just salivating at the thought of having drinks bought for me (and at the time of the suggestion one of my fellow Jengerers was precariously stuck on 2 defeats) without putting my brain into gear and realising the old adage "it's one rule for me and another for everyone else" wouldn't stand up in this instance.

So as each turn comes round I'm sweating like a Texan on a treadmill praying I don't fuck it up and have to face up to the stark reality that I WILL let everybody down. And of course they're all gunning for me to fail, nobody else, just me. Most probably because it is a distinct rarity that I get a round in owing largely to the fact that I simply cannot afford it but the precarious state of my finances is a topic for another day. Anyway as is most likely startlingly obvious by now I stacked it, managed to be the loser THREE times and had to rather embarrassingly 'fess up that I had about £6.40 to my name. Cue requests that I use a credit card or go into my overdraft as if these were genuinely possible options which of course they are not. None of my credit cards work and I don't have an overdraft because I can't be trusted with one (and thank god my bank are sensible enough not to give me one). So eventually everyone scowls at me, then makes their excuses and leaves. Shithouse.

I REALLY don't like doing rounds, somebody ALWAYS gets done, and even if it isn't me I simply can't afford it when there are more than 2 of us out, it just DOESN'T work out for the poor. But on the other hand I do like it when other people buy me drinks AND I hate queuing for the bar so I cave in and take the drinks on offer until I later realise that I'm due to reciprocate which is when I end up having to do a bunk which is SO the story of my life. When the going gets tough the mugs stick around and I am gone.

I might run away to Russia

**Big fat beefy bastard beats of goodness**

I am totally big loving Let It All Hang Out by A.D.O.R. which makes me feel all well special an that. I think that it is good. Hooray for Hip-Hop 

Any word of two syllables ending in Y will fit into the chorus of Ruby which means on hearing any such words my mind automatically fits them to the song which then gets it stuck in my head... again.

Thanks a lot Kaiser Chiefs you wankers, that song is FUCKING annoying.

It's probably worse if you are actually called Ruby mind.

Gutted